These Are the Things Which Make Me Who I Am

We were at Changi International Airport. It had been 13 years living with my family. I was helping my parents to unload the luggage unto the weighing machine. Everyone tried not to cry. My mother kept on talking, trying to put of goodbyes. But I could see through her eyes; the eyes that had seen me for 13 years.

Before she went through the immigration counter, my mother reminded me,” Before you leave for school, don’t forget to eat breakfast. There is fifty dollars on the coffee table, in case you are short of cash. There is also a phone card and my number in case you need to contact me.”

“Bye Mummy! Bye Daddy!” I waved to my family passed through the immigration gate as tears started welling in my eyes. My two younger brothers were also going with my parents as my father was posted to India for work. I, on the other hand, had to live in a hostel all by myself as they think it would make me more independent. Although I have a lot of freedom now, I was sad that they had to leave me. I watched as my family went out of sight.

My undone homework was begging me to finish them. They were the only companion I had in my lonely planet.

“A. Math- Pages 60-65, Malay- Finish a book review on a local writer.” I read aloud as I consulted my school’s journal.

The hostel sure makes me miss home and my loving family. And those books on the desk keep telling that I am on my own now. A tear rolled down my cheek as I started slurping on the instant noodles that I had cooked an hour ago. It was already cold as I had to finish washing my clothes before I could eat.

I wished that I was with my family, eating dinner together and then helping my mother with the chores instead of washing the dishes myself. I realized that my family was the most important people in my life. They were even more important than my friends. Family will stick together no matter but friends can come and go as they please. This sentence represents the famous phrase “Blood runs thicker than water”.

Luckily, today was Sunday. Just like every Sunday, I would call my mother up after my dinner. Even when its not, I tell her everything is fine. We would talk about everything under the Sun. I just wanted to talk and listen to my mother’s voice. I did not want the conversation to end. We spoke for hours until it was time to sleep.

Before we hung up, I said,” Tell my baby brother, I will see him during the holidays. Tell Nenna that I miss her; I think I should give her a call. And make sure you tell daddy, that I’m still his little boy. I know that we are at different countries and time, but don’t forget to remember me.

Tonight I find myself praying. Although I have done this many times, I felt that it was the first time praying. I feel so small sometimes in this big old world. But it was a sacrifice I was willing to make. I was thinking of my future. I also know that my parents were also thinking about my future.

The next morning, I woke up late and thus, put on my uniform and button the buttons quickly. I was late for school and had no time to eat breakfast. I took the stairs as the lift was too crowded and dashed across the road.

Little did I know that there was an oncoming vehicle and in a blink of an eye, I flew up and landed some fifty meters away with a “thud”. Blood was flowing down my head and I was barely able to stay conscious.

For the next few days, I was slipping in and out of consciousness. I was placed in intensive care and my life depended on a machine. I was still in a daze after the accident.

Throngs of people flowed in to visit me, from my friends to the principle of my school. Some brought flowers, while others brought teddy bears for comfort. As I was still slipping in between consciousness, I could not meet some of the visitors.

The doctors did a test on me and found that I could not use both of my legs permanently. I was devastated. My family flew in immediately when they heard the unfortunate news. I felt sorry for them as I had made them worried. My mother howled when she heard that my legs would be useless and I would be wheelchair bound forever.

I was angry for being careless. I was angry that I had made my family disappointed and worried. I was angry for using up all my family’s savings for the treatment. I did not want to make my family worried. In fact, I wanted for them to be proud of me. I felt very useless now that I had to depend on someone to do anything. I wanted it to end and wished that it was a bad dream.

That night in the hospital ward, while both my parents were sleeping, I decided to write the letter. The tip of the pen was scratching against the smooth white and pure paper which reminds me of peace and serenity.

“I am sorry Mummy and Daddy for disturbing you. I know that both of you are the best parents a child could have and you are disappointed in me. I will not make any mistakes anymore, I promise. I know that I am a very naughty and bad child and I deserve to be punished. I am angry at myself but I have no way of expressing myself. I love you my two brothers, please forgive any mistakes that I have done to you. Both of you have no right to be treated this way and I have been a very mean brother and a bad example.

The world is a very horrible place to live in. I should know as I have stayed here. I realized that I am not strong enough to live in this world. There is war everywhere. People are crying and begging for help everywhere in the world. But what does the rest do? Nothing. They only think about themselves and no one else. I want all of you to be strong and don’t pull out, just like me. Do not be cowards. Be brave and stand up for each other.

To my two brothers, do not fight. The world has already lots of chaos and I don’t want you to add on to the misery. And also respect your parents; they make you who you are today.

Mummy, Daddy, please forgive me for what I have done and what I am going to do. I know that you will be better off without me and I do not want to be a burden. I am going to be fine, thrust me. I have found out what are the things which make me who I am.

Love,
Aditya”

And with that, I pulled the breathing tube.